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Mending Your Marriage

fixing marriage mending marriage stages of divorce Dec 17, 2013

If you are seeking marriage counseling consider the following:

How long it's been since you were truly happy in your marriage? Has a sudden change in you or your spouse turned your marriage upside down and left you unsure of your future?

Below, we will examine the differences between marriage counseling and individual and couples coaching.

But first, if you are worried about the state of your marriage and are looking for support and direction for how to mend your marriage, keep reading…

5 Essentials for a Healthy Marriage

Communication – Talk to each other alone intimately about your relationship (average couples spends 4 minutes a day on this!). It is a skill that you have to learn. Men and women communicate differently and you expect your partner to think the same way you do.
Consideration – Pay attention to what your spouse says and feels. Treat each other with respect and consideration.
Compromise – Unselfish, not demanding your way. Every marriage has conflict and there will be things you never agree on. The greater your difference the greater the potential for emotional growth and maturity. You need to compromise on issues ranging from kids, money, sexual intimacy, in-laws, and leisure time…
Courtship – Romance, physical affection, fun, sex, time together to enjoy affection and attention toward each other. Keep courting! You have to keep on dating your spouse and keep the romance going. Make your relationship a priority and become best friends.
Commitment - Be faithful. Throw out the option of divorce and make every effort to mend your relationship. Stand by your commitment and do everything possible to rebuild and revitalize your relationship. Commitment means being willing to be unhappy until you work it out; to be willing to go through the pain and struggle.

How do you measure up?

On a scale of 1 – 10 how do you rate YOUR role in each Essential listed above?

In order to embrace these 5 Essentials, you must first take full responsibility for you part in the difficulties that arise.

Taking Responsibility for your part in the marriage

It is easy to know what your spouse's fault in the challenges is, yet the true gift is in seeing your own perspectives and behaviors that are not working and focusing on transforming yourself so that you can reconnect honoring your values and build a new foundation with two healthy co-independent, fully responsible individuals ready to create a dynamic, lasting partnership.

What are your options to begin to Mend Your Marriage?

Marriage Counseling vs. Individual and Couples Coaching

If you are looking for a laser-like approach to revitalizing your relationship, coaching compared with traditional marriage counseling may be the perfect choice for you. As coaches, we strategically guide you in understanding YOUR PART in the challenges you are facing in your marriage and coach you to become aware of the perspectives and behaviors that you have that are not working for you. Typically, clients come to us seeing clearly their spouse’s part in the problem but don’t see so clearly their own.

While marriage counseling sessions are almost always with both husband and wife, working on how to communicate and work through issues together, we often suggest individual coaching FIRST. Attempting to work on each individual’s issues with the other in attendance, is often a slow and cumbersome approach.

Imagine you have two parts that need mending before they can work as a whole. Doesn't it make sense to mend each separately and then smoothly join them together for a smooth running whole?

Once you have each worked on your own issues in a supportive, nonjudgmental coaching environment, coming together as a couple to rebuild as partners occurs quickly and seamlessly. Our suggestion is individual coaching followed by a few couple coaching sessions.

Couples coaching is different than marriage counseling

As coaches, we drill down into explicit issues that are causing a rub in the relationship, getting to the heart of the matter quickly and ending with an action plan for both individuals and couples. This approach enables couples to move rapidly through the process, revitalizing their romantic relationship in a fraction of the time.

Client's are rejoicing...

“I have worked with several therapists and life coaches over the years...None were effective. In 4 months of working with JBD, I have transformed my life..." ~ Angel

“In the midst of one of the most terrifying periods of my life…After one coaching conversation, I left with an action plan and small achievable goals that I was determined to achieve - which I did. It really was like speed therapy!"

Here are a few Blog Posts to get you started

The Secret to Mastering Relationships
Creating Intentional Relationships, What do I want and why (I encourage you to look past the 'divorce and dating' words and find the value in the message offered in this post)